Phases

I made venison for supper. Ben couldn't handle the smell so he wore his ear muffs on his nose. He's come up with solutions like this before for his sensory issues involving the smell of meat.

I raised 3.5 neuro-typical children into adulthood (Adam isn't technically raised yet, thus the .5) and it sure seemed that they "outgrew" things a lot quicker than my children with FASD do. Phases don't come and go as quickly in the developmental disability world. They last a long time. Ben has had issues with the smell of food since he was a toddler.

And anyone who knows Ben knows that he has been obsessed with the Magic Bullet infomercial for years.

YEARS.


No, I didn't finally break down and buy him one. This is a wedding present for one of his former PCAs. She'll love that Ben got it for her!

We've known this young woman for most of her life. Here's the soon to be bride holding Ben when he was a baby. It was several years after this, when she was in college, that she worked as his PCA. And now she's all grown up and getting married.


The baby in this picture, who was our "short term" foster son all those years ago, might take a lot longer to grow up.

Now I take them out for lunch

Ben called several times from school today. We've had a rough week and he had a pretty bad morning at school. He begged to come home. He cried and sobbed and begged and nothing worked to redirect him. So I asked if he wanted to have lunch with Dad and me. I offered to include him on one of our $2.25 dates . He was thrilled.

We just dropped Ben off at school. It was a good lunch as far as cafeteria food goes and Ben seemed ready to turn it around and get some things done at school this afternoon. At least I hope that's what the outcome will be.

This is a different type of parenting to be sure. Years ago I probably would have punished a kid for a morning like the one Ben had. Now I take them out for lunch.

That's how He rolls

I haven't written about my sister for a while. Thankfully she is clinging stubbornly to sobriety and healing a little more every day. And she is no longer homeless. A mental health program is paying for an apartment for her...

...right across the street from our house.

A few weeks ago when I heard the news I looked up to heaven, laughed, and said outloud, "Oh, that's a good one, Lord! It is easier for me to love my sister from across town but that isn't what you want, is it?!" He is always working on me and all of my faults and shortcomings. I guess, like any good Father, it shows how much He loves me.

My sister moved in a few days ago and she is very excited to have a home. She filed divorce papers against the man who recently bought her a bottle of vodka as a gift. I think that was a good choice.

Life is changing and I feel a little like Peter stepping out on the water to meet Jesus.

I gave my final date for work this week. I will be officially unemployed in early December. I have a few possibilities for part time work in the adoption community but nothing is certain and I'm just waiting to see what happens. My heart is with adoption and FASD has certainly been a part of that, but it just got to be a difficult fit for me. I know that this is the right thing for me to do but I'll confess that I am a little nervous as I step out of the boat.

I am speaking at an Adoption Day gala tomorrow night and it struck me as I was putting together what I will say that my anxiety over work issues is nothing compared to the fear that children in need of families feel. So I will "woman up" and wait to see what God has in store for me. It should be interesting cuz that's how He rolls.

Calming the Holidays

I am working on something new and I was kinda wondering...

well, I was hoping....

um, well, that you might want to help me with it.

It is a power point that I will use for a webinar training I am doing on December 9th for MN ADOPT . It is called "Silent Night: Calming the Holidays for Children with Sensory and Neurological Differences" and I'd love to include few slides with tips from other families. I was thinking I'd do something like "Deck the Halls with Parent Wisdom" (fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!) and include your holiday survival tips and names on some holiday decorations on the slides. That's the goal anyway. We'll see how my techno-challenged self does with that.

Children who have experienced trauma, neglect, disrupted attachments or prenatal exposure to substances often struggle during the holidays. The change in routine, the sensory overload, the memories of past holidays with their birth family or former caregivers... it can make this a very difficult time of the year.

Have you changed the way you celebrate the holidays because of the needs of your children?

Did you blend traditions or begin new ones for your family?

Did you draw some boundaries with extended family members or friends who did not understand your child's needs or behaviors?

Tell me about it in a comment or email and if it is something I haven't included yet I'll add you to the deck-the-hall-of-fame!

And this internet training is open to people in Minnesota or in others states if you are interested in sitting in on it. Just thought I'd let you know that. :-)

Making Pomanders, Building Attachment

As promised, here is a little "how to" on making Christmas Pomanders.

Stud some oranges (apples and lemons work great, too!) with whole cloves. Buy your cloves and spices in bulk at a food co-op. Don't buy those pricey little containers in the grocery store.

It is helpful to poke the holes first with a knitting needle, toothpick, or a pickle fork like the one shown in my picture. (Regular forks make the holes a little too close together.)

I like the spice combination of cinnamon, allspice and nutmeg. Orris root is a little harder to find at food co-ops so I ordered mine on the internet. It is the natural preservative that helps the pomanders dry without molding and retain their fragrance for a long time.

I use all those pottery bowls that my kids have made over the years to "cure" the pomanders in. First, put 1/2 cup orris root powder in the bowl.

Add 2 Tablespoons of cinnamon.

And 1 Tablespoon ground allspice.

And finally, 1 Tablespoon of nutmeg.

Roll your clove studded fruit in the spices until it is completely covered. Sniff deeply. Ahhh. Can you get that rich, spicy, citrus smell from an artificial air freshner? No way.

Roll the pomander every day for the next several weeks as it dries. (Some instructions say to put it in a cardboard box and put it in a dark, dry cupboard for 3-4 weeks as it dries. I've always just let ours dry in the open air in a bowl. As long as you aren't doing this in humid weather it will dry just fine that way.)

I have a bowl of apples and oranges on the kitchen table now so that everyone can stud when their hands need something to do. And my house smells amazing.

Remember when I told Anna to smell her sheets ? I believe strongly that sensory activities like eating together, gardening, baking, making pomanders or hanging out laundry can build attachment more effectively and are certainly more fun than sitting in a therpist's office. (This is not to suggest that we don't need mental health professionals, but there is so much we can do at home!)

Ben told me yesterday that he liked the way the house smelled when he got home from school. Then we baked together and it smelled even better. We met some sensory needs (kneading dough is a great proprioceptive activity!), fed our bodies and nourished our relationship. And that's really what it is all about.

Monkey Bread

Ben made monkey bread after school. He likes me to take pictures of the recipes he makes so he can make them again by following the picture instructions. Here's Ben's recipe for Monkey Bread.
Pour 2 cups warm milk in a large bowl. Baby bath water warm, not too hot and not too cold.

Sprinkle with 2 Tablespoons of yeast. Let rest for 5 minutes.

Add 1/2 cup sugar

And 1/2 tsp. salt

Pour in 2 beaten eggs

And 1/2 cup soft / slightly melted butter. Stir.

Add 7-8 cups flour and stir until dough pulls together in a ball.

Knead for 5 minutes or until dough is smooth.

You can tell when the dough has been kneaded enough by poking it. It should "spring back". Ben likes poking the dough.

Put the dough in a greased bowl and cover with a towel. Allow to rise until it has doubled in size.

Punch the dough down and let it rise again. Ben likes punching the dough, too. Poking, punching...baking is so aggressive.

After the dough has risen a second time, punch it down again and then break off golf ball sized pieces and form them into balls. Roll in a mixture of cinnamon and sugar (or as Ben calls it "Sugarmin".) Put the sugared dough balls into a bundt cake pan or you can use another pan. We used my Pampered Chef stone casserole type dish.

Meanwhile, combine 1 cup of sugar, 1/4 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup milk and 1 T. butter. Heat to a boil and cook one minute. Remove syrup from heat and let cool 10 minutes. Then pour over dough balls. Cover and let rise. Bake 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

Invert on a plate and drizzle with any remaining syrup. Eat. Eat some more. Now go to the YMCA and hit the treadmill.

Retreat Aftermath and Hair of the Dog Therapy

For the most part Ben did very well at the retreat. There was one episode of aggression involving his sister but we won't talk about that. He regulated himself afterward and got back on track and Anna managed as well as we could expect her to, so I consider the weekend a success.

But the "re-entry meltdowns" weren't pleasant.

Getting back into routines after a disruption in routines, even if the disruption is a fun one, sucks. Anna struggled to maintain even a minimal level of regulation yesterday afternoon so we whipped out some craft supplies and helped her make a few projects. She loved the crafts at the retreat so it was my version of "hair of the dog" therapy. It helped. She even made a pomander! (I'll post pictures later.)

It is not even noon yet and Ben has called me 3 times from school already, begging to come home and needing me to walk him through his anxiety and motivate him to continue plugging away at his day. I pulled out the big guns and promised him we'd make monkey bread when he gets home. The boy loves monkey bread and since we stuffed our faces all weekend at the retreat it seems only fitting that we have some sweet, buttery after school snacks today. More hair of the dog. We'll just keep easing back into reality...one day at a time.

Back from "Alcohol Camp"

We spent the weekend with 10 great families. It was the annual FASD Family Retreat! (Or as Ben told his class at school a few years ago - "Alcohol Camp"!)

We stayed at the most beautiful retreat facility this year. Here I am spying on Linda from the second floor as the two of us made last minute preparations for the families.

Linda did all the scheduling and registering for families and she was a huge help with everything. Linda rocks.

Here are some pictures from the retreat. You'll notice that most are of Anna. I didn't want to post pictures where other peoples' kids could be easily identified... and besides that Anna really likes getting her picture taken.

Here's Anna checking out the view from our room in the lodge.
We had a magician on Friday night and he pulled up several of the kids to help with his tricks. Here's Ben and a friend reading each other's minds.

We played lots of nature Bingo. Two moms saved prizes for a year so we had hundreds of them for the Bingo winners. HUNDREDS. So we made sure all the kids won...a lot.

The camp director took all the families on a tractor ride and he stopped at the lodge petting zoo. He told the kids that they could get a bunny out of the bunny cages and take them on the 45 minute ride around the camp. He showed the kids how to hold the bunnies close to their chests to calm them while we rode. It was a great way to calm the kids, too!

Somebody dropped their mittens off the back of the tractor haywagon so Mike jumped off to get them. He had to run to catch us again! My hero.

And this? It's just the cutest picture ever taken, that's all.

It wasn't all about cute bunnies. We gave the kids weapons to play with.

Mike was in charge of the slingshot station. The kids LOVED shooting taconite pellets at the painted pots and pans. They all wore eye protection and they were careful to obey the rules. Several of them stayed out there for hours!

One option for families at the retreat was therapeutic horseback riding . Anna loved it!

A mom who is also an OT did some social skills activities with the kids. She had two brains made out of Jello and inside were laminated messages that the kids pulled out with little grabbers. The kids had to decide if the messages involved the "physical" brain (heartbeat, breathing, information from senses) or the "thinking" brain (decisions, actions, thoughts). It was a great learning activity and the kids thought the Jello brains were really cool.

Ben taught several kids how to finger knit. Here's Linda's daughter "Bug" making a Christmas chain that was eventually long enough to decorate the lodge stairway!

Cyndi's son Jared went to school to be a baker. He makes the most delicious cakes and he brought two of them to share at the retreat. I think I gained 10 lbs this weekend. It was worth it. I did get some exercise though...

This picture is of Linda's son Andrew riding the camp's zip line. Imagine a fat woman zipping down it. That would be me. The line hung a little lower when they hooked me up, but it didn't break. Whew.

And finally...a picture of Ben! He's sitting in the camp's big red chair with Bug. Ben likes Bug. And all the kids loved the big red chair! We had at least 10 of them in it one night as we sat by the campfire!

What a great weekend. What awesome families. It was just what I needed.

And the winner is...

And the winner of the Pomander giveaway is...

drumroll.........

Linda! Ben drew her name and said, "Hey, I know her!"

My orris root came in the mail yesterday so I can make the pomanders with the kids next week! I'll show "how to" pictures on the blog. Too bad you can't smell through my blog. Although my cats' litter box needs to be changed so today that's not really a bad thing.

Pregnant?!

Tonight was the annual meeting for the organization I work (now part time) for. It was a night especially dedicated to honoring volunteers.

A few weeks ago I was asked if anyone on my local committee had put in over 40 hours of volunteer work this year with our Pregnant Pause event. Most of my local volunteers had put in more than 30 hours but one had put in well over 40 hours so I emailed her name and information to my co-workers who were creating the volunteer awards. I mentioned that I found out at the Pregnant Pause event that this particular volunteer was 5 months pregnant. She had been hauling diaper bags and door prizes for weeks and I wasn't even aware of her "condition". That wasn't supposed to be part of the award, just some info I shared with my co-worker.

So tonight as they read the award for this volunteer the preggo information was included and with the way it was worded it sounded like I was the one who revealed at the Pregnant Pause that I was pregnant! This volunteer could not attend tonight so it was me who went up to accept the award in her place. That didn't help the confusion any.

I was sure that people would figure out that it was not me who was pregnant but I was congratulated on my pregnancy after tonight's meeting. I don't have a uterus, people. And I celebrate that!

I could just imagine people thinking, "Oh that's why she reduced her hours! Dang, she's kind of old for the whole baby thing, isn't she?! No wonder she's overwhelmed.

I called Mike on the way home to tell him the news. Congratulations, Babenheimer! (That's my special romantic name for Mike. Hee hee.) He laughed. I told him when I got home that I was craving ice cream. He didn't run out to buy me any. What kind of baby daddy is he?!

Giveaway - drawing Friday morning

If you checked my blog last night to see if you were the winner of the Pomander giveaway , I apologize. I didn't forget to do the drawing, I just couldn't.

Anna was very hyperactive at supper time. I had her and our awesome PCA Stella help me put together the welcome bags for the families for our FASD Family Retreat this weekend... but the strategy backfired on me. She escalated (Anna, not Stella). Big time. It wasn't long before she was on the floor screaming, drooling, and kicking (again -Anna, not Stella). It lasted until bedtime. And just for fun, Ben threw in a rage or two.

Mike had a meeting at church after work and when he walked in at 7pm all heck was breaking loose around him. I'm surprised he didn't turn back around and leave. I might have.

So, thanks to the chaos and tears, you have another day to:

1. Enter the drawing if you have not done so yet. (Just leave a comment on this post or the linked "Pomander giveaway" post above and you are entered. That's it. How much easier could I make it?!)

2. Pray that your name will be drawn. Which would make you a winner. Not a loser.

3. Thank Heaven that you weren't at my house last night. Unless your house was worse. Which is possible. I've read some of your blogs.

We will draw the winner tomorrow (Friday) morning. The kids don't have school and we'll be doing our last minute packing for the retreat. And nobody's going to escalate. Cough cough.